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| Paizo's RPG Superstar Logo |
Every year RPG publisher Paizo holds their “RPG Superstar”
contest to look for new talent in the game design industry. Now, in addition to
being a writer of children’s literature, I am also a hard-core gamer. I started
playing RPGs when I was twelve years old (when my cousin introduced me to
Dungeons & Dragons via the "Curse of the Azure Bonds" computer game), and I
have been playing ever since.
This year Paizo hosted their contest twice in one year. My
husband made it into the Top 32 of last season, and this season it was my turn.
I’ve been entering the contest for about four years now and never truly thought
I would make it far. For me, RPG Superstar was a personal challenge I set for
myself. As I have mentioned in a previous post, I have struggled with dyscalculia
my entire life. I’ve had a math teacher humiliate me in front of my entire
class. I’ve had a guidance counselor tell me that I would never make it into
college because of my low math scores. I’ve been told that I didn’t try hard
enough, despite the fact that I poured over my text book with tears of
frustration streaming down my face almost every night. Numbers, formulas, technical
concepts… they simply do not click with me.
Despite the math heavy rules in many table-top role playing games,
I have always enjoyed them. In fact, I think they have been the best math
teacher I’ve ever had. It framed numbers and formulas in a way that was fun and
made sense. After college, when I finally experienced the relief of discovering
dyscalculia, I started to look to gaming as a way for me to casually practice
my math skills. My gaming circle has always been incredibly patient with me in
this regard. They understand I can’t calculate as quickly as everyone else, and
give me the time I need to figure it out. They never coddle me or get
frustrated when I am too slow. They understand my difficulties and are
incredibly supportive.
RPG Superstar has not only been about my love of gaming, but
also an extension of my desire to prove that I am not stupid. Entering every
year has been a way for me to test myself; a way for me to overcome those nasty
memories, and work toward helping myself to understand and apply mathematical
concepts. Suffice to say, I never dreamed I would make it to the Top 32, let
alone become a finalist!
The entire experience was overwhelming but very educational.
There were some rounds I struggled more than others (the monster submission of
Round 3), and others that I honestly just had pure fun with (map making in
Round 2). The contest challenged my knowledge, abilities, and imagination, and
I will admit that at times, it simply wasn’t fun. And when I say it wasn’t fun,
I mean I was literally curled up, sobbing in a corner ready to raise the white
flag. But every time I hit that point, I remembered the teachers who didn’t
believe in me and it gave me the strength to continue. I had to prove to myself
that they were wrong.
It’s evident to anyone who participated as a judge or voter
that many of my entries lacked technical and systematic finesse. This is not
something I will deny. It is absolutely a weak point of mine for obvious
reasons mentioned above. But neither is it something I want to ever use as a
crutch. The gaming industry demands a certain level of competence with
technical skills (as they should), and I fought my hardest to develop those
during the contest. I didn’t always succeed, but the point is I gave it my all
and didn’t give up. I am quite proud of myself for that and all I accomplished.
I didn’t win, but I made it into the Final 4 and now have a
chance to write a small adventure for Paizo. This was much farther than I ever
dreamed I could make it. It means so much to me that so many were willing to
overlook my flaws in favor of my strengths in concepts and imagination. That
said, I am going to continue to work hard to grow my technical skills and gain
the well-rounded edge I would like to have as a freelance game designer. I have
learned much through this journey, but I still have much more to learn. This
contest has tested my limits and it has introduced me to so many amazing,
creative people. It was utterly exhausting, but I consider myself to have
emerged victorious and with a new-found strength.
To anyone out there who may struggle with a disability, be it
learning or otherwise, know that you are more than your disability. You are
more than the names you may be called. Don’t let those voices keep you down
from achieving your dreams because I am living proof that anything is possible.
Just try your best and never stop believing in yourself. We may face challenges
that many others may never understand or experience, but I assure you it makes
the victories all the sweeter. You can do it. I believe in you.
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